Someone uploaded this video on Facebook. Before I say what I agree with and what I disagree with, watch it for yourselves:
"If you're not married, you're single"
Ok so, here's how I feel about this video. First of all, this is totally from the stand point of a man who is into the bible. I do like the fact that this man is direct with his words but I don't like the fact that he's speaking as if his opinion is the only one that matters. Granted, on the W2 (and pretty much any other survey or application you fill out) there isn't a category for 'dating' but that doesn't mean you have to look at dating as if it doesn't matter! In some cases, it IS important to get to know somebody for you jump into a committed relationship head first. Shoot, I'd like to know if the man I'm with has anger issues with women BEFORE he potentially gives me a black eye. Makes sense, no?
The points I agree and disagree with:
1. I don't believe that the only time a man is committed before marriage is during the period of engagement! Everything happends in it's own process and during the time where you feel each other out and decide where to take your relationship, you don't need to literally "put a ring on it" to commit to your significant other. People who rush to PROVE their commitment can cheat on their fiance(e) just as easily as the person who cheats on their girlfriend/boyfriend!
2. He says that if you are in a sexual, intimate and committed relationship with someone but you're not married, you're setting yourself up for failure. I disagree.... Who says marriage is equated with success? If that were the case, the divorce rate wouldn't be so damn high! I agree that if you are in a sexual, intimate and committed relationship but are not married, there's is no grantee you'll ever get married or that the relationship will workout but then again, life is NOT a guarantee period. Who's to say sex before marriage won't make the relationship stronger? Who's to say someone who remains a virgin with the intention of waiting until marriage will ever get married either?
3. He says these single R&B singers and actors on tv are screwing with our perception of what a relationship is... So, when listening to a song like Jodeci's "Love You For Life", it's wrong of me to aspire to find a man who, through thick and thin, wants to love me for life because the members of Jodeci are single? Ummm.... does that make sense to anybody else? Moving along....
4. He sees getting the keys to your significant other's apartment or moving in as a marital act. You sound more like a man who prefers NOT to have your girlfriend come over regularily because you have other girls in and out of your space! Any intelligent person (in my humble opinion) would see moving in or at least having a little bit of access as a smart investment for their future! I'm not going to be in a relationship with someone for, I dunno, let's say 5 years and not live with them. That is not a committed relationship. At 5 years, I would hope living together would be a step up in our commitment to each other. I don't believe in the contract called marriage but I am big on commitment! You're making up your face at the prospect of having a girlfriend around you more than 2 or 3 times a week.... Just admit that you're into having more than one girl at a time and call it a day.
5. Putting stuff in each other's name when you're not married. I don't feel that should be considered a marital act but I do agree with you... That's just crazy! There are certain things I wouldn't do for personal reasons and putting a car, phone, house, etc, in my name for a man, husband or not, is a no-no for me. Yes, I believe when you're in love and committed, you're suppose to do whatever you can to uplift your significant other BUT, you don't have to sacrifice your credit for a relationship. Lend him your car, not you SIN card #!
6. Sex without a condom. Ok, so this is a touchy subject. Now, those who follow the bible to a tee would argue that sex, especially without a condom, is a martial act. Me, I'm more of a spiritual person and I think that in ALL aspects of life, you should do what you want in your own time. It's called nature and going with your natural feelings. My advice? Get all the information you can about what you're about to do and be aware of your actions. SIMPLE. & while we're on the subject, I don't promote unprotected sex with multiple partners and not getting a regular check up. That's irresponsible! Also, a person having AIDS a year before you meet them doesn't change whether you have sex with them before or after marriage.... THEY STILL HAVE AIDS!
7. "He's not yours, she's not yours...". You sir are correct. Nobody belongs to anybody! This is the reason why I have such an issue with marriage. A ring and a signiture on the dotted line does NOT give you power or ownership over the person you're with! You are only responsible for yourself! For you to say, don't have unprotected sex/live with/put a car in your name for your boyfriend/girlfriend because they're not 'yours', doesn't change once you get married! The legality of a relationship doesn't change anything!
8. Along with #7, he says, "a bad word for a relationship is MY...". I agree but only because in my opinion, the word MY is a sign of ownership. "Look at MY car.", "This is MY diploma.", "Come meet MY boyfriend.". To be honest, if you're going to take on the title of girfriend/boyfriend, the ownership for the other person is automatic. You're probably confused at what I mean but I assure you it makes sense if you really think about it. If calling someone your 'boo', 'hubby' or 'wifey' is doin' the most, why is it different when you call them your husband and wife? Oh lemme guess, it makes a difference because I signed the contract right? Man, a title is a title! An then to say MY is a marital word and you're setting yourself up for failure if you say it but you're not married.... You sound really stupid but have proved my point about marriage!
9. Surprise surprise, he thinks a woman going over to a man's house once in a while to cook and clean for him is cool, as long as she doesn't complain.... I don't think I need to touch on this one. The blatant IGNORANCE is right there! I will say this though.... If we as women take it upon ourselves to do these kinds of things for the men we're involved with, we need to take the good with the bad (a man's appreciation vs. his inconsideration) otherwise, stay home and do it for OURSELVES!
10. He says, and I quote, "don't assume cause you move in with this dude that everything'll be honky-doory". Ohh, so once we get married, I should NOT assume he'll be faithful, committed and happy with me either right? WHY WOULD I GET MARRIED THEN??! I feel like walking around with a t-shirt that says "Life is NOT granteed and marriage doesn't make a difference". UGH!
11. He says doing these "martial acts" and not being married means you're giving someone an opportunity to use you. Really? Are you that dense? People use people everyday for various reasons.... MARRIAGE INCLUDED!
12. Although I believe everything happends in it's own time, I agree that setting up a time frame where a couple sits down with each other after a few months to look at their relationship and determine whether or not it's going anywhere is a smart idea. It makes sense to me and I believe doing this will take away the fading part of the relationship... You know, where one person loses interest and starts looking elsewhere while the other stresses themself out trying to find ways to work things out? Those of you who are interested in being committed in your relationship, try this out and let me know if it works!
Overall, I think his attitude sucks and he should be a little more aware that not everybody lives according to the bible.... I'm just saying.
Ms. MusiQ: I say what I mean & mean what I say...